His Will not mine

I read in the Bible somewhere and it said "the plans of a mans heart are many; but it's the Lord purpose that will prevail.  Boy do I have plans!  I'm so sick of the position I'm in at work.  An auditor!  It's going against everything my heart wants.  I can't tell you how many friends I've lost over this position.  I know your probably saying "well they weren't your friends in the first place".  Yeah they were and really close ones too.  When I have on that hat, it just turns others stomachs and  I have to write up my coworkers as they are called now.  It's wild to see the power of the pen take over attitudes of those I once fellowshipped and had lunch with.  I love people and being rejected because of a title is sickening.  The bad thing is I can understand.  I've been on the other side of that pen and it sucks to be honest.  You would think with the way the economy is right now I would be happy just to have a job.  I am but I'm not.  Is that justifiable?

So recently I have decided to look at my options and put my resume out there.  Where else can Allen go and feel the success of making a difference.  No worries about the money.  God has that under control.  But my heart is not in this position anymore.  My attitude towards my job is lacking.  I perform at 100% but it's hard to go above and beyond anymore.  I try to find pleasure in this but it just isn't happening.  Do you think that's what might be hampering my change of pace? 

My wife is a big supporter of me and she knows where I'm at and you know, she hurts when I'm not happy.  Am I purposely hurting her by not being satisfied where I'm at?  Yes and no!  I don't want to hide my feelings.  Especially with my wife!  But keeping them bottled up is a recipe for disaster.  She tells me to be patient and wait on the Lord and I'm so trying right now.  I just want to bring the best out in me at my place of work and change this world.  I have to do my part so God can do His.  His Will not mine right........

Welcome to my head

I wanted to take the time to tell you why I'm here and the purpose of sharing myself with you.  My testimony is powerful, honest, and sometimes disheartening.  My life is full of situations that just about anyone can relate with.  I struggle with me, wrestle with God, and try to make it count at the end of the day.  I can only promise you one thing as you curiously digest what you will read here. Life is real and so am I!! 

My life was never handed to me on a little silver platter and cut up into pieces that made chewing easier.  It was and sometimes is difficult and stressful to say the least.  Hey don't get me wrong, my life has its fantastic movements and times of success as well.  More now than at any point in my life.  But I believe in that old saying that we are "products of our environment" and thus I believe we aid in our failures and successes.  That's a freebee!  But through victories and defeats, I am me and you are you.  Perhaps a spouse, maybe single, or a parent, and hopefully a friend to someone.  I believe it all starts with love.  And I don't mean others.  It starts with loving ourselves, finding ourselves, and freeing ourselves to make a difference in this messed up world.  Hello, my name is Allen and welcome to my blog.........